I hate running – I think for me it triggers deep seated unhappy memories of cross country at school. I never really saw the point – why waste a perfectly good walk by getting hot, sweaty, out of breath and moving too fast to notice much? However, these days as my middle aged spread becomes more pronounced and I more consciously try to stay fit and healthy, I have found that running brings other benefits so I’m working on a way to begin to like it.

To change my increasingly sedentary ways and learn to love to run, I’m focussing on it in a different way. Firstly I’ve got myself a big ‘why’. I’ve been a poorly girl the first couple of weeks of March – not nice and my own fault for not looking after myself. I want to be healthy, not ill. I want to be full of energy. I want to be fit and in tip top condition for our eagerly awaited skiing holiday. And I want to be able to wear some much loved clothes again that I’ve had to put away for now as the muffin top has taken over.

Next I’m not thinking about running. I only think about the parts of running I like – I take Leo Babauta’s advice and just put my running shoes on and step out the door. Because I love being outside. I like the feel of the air on my skin, the scents of the wood I run through, the birds I hear singing (or the music I’m listening to). I enjoy feeling my body move, my muscles stretch, my lungs filling with air. I even enjoy the sensation of my ‘fat bits’ wobbling and getting moving as I know they will disappear. All of this helps distract me from the hated idea of ‘running’.

I had a moment of realisation on my run this morning that another reason I don’t like ‘running’ is that I’m not very good at it, I find it really hard. And it struck me that I needed to heed my own advice that I’d only dished out to my middle daughter an hour earlier (she’s working up to her grade 1 flute exam in a couple of weeks)  – the more you practice, the better you’ll get!

At the start of the year I’d decided not to make resolutions, or to slavishly set goals for the year (I hate the tyranny of goal setting, it instantly gets my naughty inner rebel kicking against them). Instead I just set some very broad intentions and decided that I would have a key theme to focus on each month.

Perhaps more of those intentions and themes in another post, but having focused on blitzing finance for February, March was for ME. March is the month where I want to focus on how I treat myself – the food I eat, the exercise I do, my personal care and grooming (you know, teeth, hair, clothes etc). I wanted to look at my personal routine, where I had time out and how well I look after myself.

I had been aware that since Christmas I hadn’t been looking after myself very well; eating too much junk, drinking too much booze, hardly exercising at all and I was beginning to notice the effects, so was looking forward to concentrating on a healthier, happier routine. Also key in my mind was that we’re off skiing soon and I want to be tip top for that too.

I had visions of regular runs, various classes, Tai Chi and meditation as well as lots of fruit, veg and water. I’d even got it all planned in the diary. Then woomph, come 1st March I’m wiped out with some kind of flu/throat infection virus that has me running a high temperature and only feeling like crawling to bed, never mind going for a run!

I had it coming though; I knew I’d been neglecting myself and had done nothing about it with the early warning signs – instead I left it to a ‘future’ me to sort out. I’d also got overly cocky because for the last year and a half I’ve successfully fended off all snuffles, colds, allergies and minor ailments using some great visualisation and NLP techniques – all good stuff, but hopeless if you’re neglecting the basics!

So as I sit here still in a feverish state coughing and spluttering over my keyboard, I realise that March really is for ME with a great big reminder that we take our bodies for granted at our peril. It wasn’t quite what I had in mind but the enforced go slow, lots of water and good food to nurse me back to health will do me the world of good.

Looking after yourself is ongoing, day to day and a pleasure not something to be relegated to your ‘to do’ list!!

Four years ago, I was stressed, burning out and unhappy. The crunch point came one morning; an email exchange with my boss had, yet again, left me full of hot tears of frustration and anger which then settled into a familiar black cloud of despair and hopelessness. My stomach was in a perpetual flutter, I couldn’t concentrate or take anything on board, and I would emotionally massively over-react to….well, anything.

In a moment of unusual clarity I saw that something had to change and that I was in no fit state to make that change on my own without help. I can be proud, stubborn and independent. I had this belief that asking for help was somehow a sign of weakness and failure. There was also a lot of guilt and self disgust that I should be in this state when really I “had it all” – a good job, happy marriage, beautiful home, 3 small gorgeous daughters. What did I have to be so “stressed” about, when so many others face lives of real hardship? So it took an enormous effort to pick up the phone and ring the doctor’s surgery.

With a shaking voice, and still sniffing through the tears I explained that physically there was nothing wrong but I needed to talk to someone about my emotional state. The very empathetic receptionist found me an appointment that afternoon (more guilt, taking time “someone really ill” might need).
I was lucky – the doctor was fantastic, listening patiently while I sobbed out my situation. “Well, you’re not superwoman, and you should stop trying to be, so I’m signing you off for a week” he said. “But I can’t be off for a whole week” I cried, “I’ve got to do x,y and z. I’ll be ok…..if I could just stop crying!”

That week off was the turning point. I had made two crucial decisions: something had to change, and it was up to me, and only me to make that change happen. It was no good crying wistfully “if only things were this way” or “if only s/he would be more that way”. I was no longer prepared to play the victim in my own life; I had to deal with the things that were in my control – and that mostly meant dealing with myself…

I’ve been wanting to write a blog for nearly 3 years. It’s only been today that I fully realised what’s been stopping me.

Ever since I started by own business, it’s appeared as common sense, as well as common practice to promote that business through blogging. I could share tips, useful advice and material that really showcases me as a coach. “Surely it will be no problem”, I thought; afterall I enjoy writing (although I’m somewhat out of practice).

At first it was my fear of technical inadequacy that appeared to stop me. How do I set a blog up? How do I get it looking like I want to?

Then it was my fear of failure that stopped me. What if I’ve got nothing to say that anyone wants to hear?

Then it was habit, procrastination and poor prioritising that got in the way – “I’ll write a blog post once I’ve just cleared my email/got the kids to bed/tidied my office/sent out my invoices/sorted out the kitchen cupboards”.

Today I realised I’ve been avoiding getting my blog going because it was something I ‘ought’ to do and because it would be ‘good’ for business. But I don’t like pushing myself at potential clients, or setting myself up as some kind of guru.

Sure, I love helping people through my coaching and get a real kick out of seeing them blossom, grow and do amazing things, but they are the ones that make that happen through their own discoveries and realisations. I just give them the safety, space and support they need to do it.

I can empathise with my clients, because I’m on a journey too. I’m growing and learning about how to make my life better all the time. I don’t always get it right, in fact often don’t. But I do learn and change through the process.

Today I realised I don’t want to share ‘hints and tips’ on this blog. I want to share my journey – how I got to the point I’m at now, and my continuing journey as it happens going forward. And really I’m sharing it with myself, to help my own reflection and learning. This blog isn’t about ‘Rachel the Coach’; it’s about Rachel the person as she learns how to thrive in life.

It’s only what works, or otherwise for me. It’s not right or wrong and it’s not advice for others. If you find it and it helps you, that’s great. If it doesn’t, well, that’s fine too. My static website at www.teaandempathy.co.uk is for the ‘professional’ me and where you can find out about coaching. But here, I’m not trying to please, impress or sell. I’m just being me.

Half term’s over and the kids are back to school. It always astounds me how much energy and bounce my little one (5) has by the end of the holidays and how ready she is to get back to school. It makes me realise that, although she copes very well with the school day, how tired she actually is by the time she gets home (and by the end of term).

It’s easy to forget just how tiring learning something new can be. I’m developing some new e-products and coaching online to shift the emphasis of the business away from just selling my 1-1 time, so I decided I’d better learn a little more about internet marketing etc. My techie knowledge is not great, but I’ve always thought of myself as a quick learner so set about learning all I can. Well, now my head hurts and I feel in a bit of a ‘fug’ as my brain tries to assimilate and make sense of all that I’ve been taking in!

Time to have a break and take a different approach. I realise I’d been wanting ‘instant’ results, but mastery takes time and practice. Better to learn a little and often rather than to cram it in – and I need to be kind to myself in the process too; it’s easy to succumb to that inner critical voice (“you’re so slow, you’ll never get this, this is too hard, leave it to someone else….”). But I know I’ll get there – it just has to be one step at a time!