I’ve felt low, flat and demotivated for much of today and once again a little overwhelmed by the backlog of tasks and people seemingly competing for my attention.
I know, intellectually, that it’s my thinking and how I’m framing this that’s creating the issue; that it’s not actually real, but knowing it alone hasn’t been enough for me to ‘shake it off’.
I’ve felt stuck in a vortex of competing commitments, unable to move forward and achieving nothing that I wish to do – not even allowing myself enough rest in the midst of this not getting anything done!
Fortunately I already had a session with my own fabulous coach booked in, so tonight as I write this I already feel a shift, a loosening of the strength of the vortex (well, actually getting round to sitting down to write this post is evidence of that).
Part of the shift was enabled by just being able to articulate where I’m at and what I’m feeling to someone who just holds a space of ‘unconditional positive regard’ for me. Safe, healing and a clear mirror to enable me to face what’s going on.
However I sat down to write this post, I had a moment of thinking “but what can I write about to help others when I’m feeling so low myself?”.
And then I remembered a conversation with an acquaintance a couple of years ago; we hadn’t seen each other for a while so were doing the usual social catch up conversation of “so how’re things?“
Life and business were going really well and I was feeling genuinely happy as I gave my reply “they’re really good thanks!” and was hurt when he threw back the comment “that’s the problem with you life coach types, you’ll never admit that things aren’t good – it would be bad for business“.
I felt stung that he felt I wasn’t being authentic, but at the same time recognised that it’s true that we very often try to disguise the reality of how we are feeling or the true extent of what we face, either from shame, or fear of being judged (as losers, victims, selfish, or wallowing in self-pity).
And in turn, if we don’t share our truth, then others are less likely to as well and we perpetuate the myth that “everybody else seems to be doing ok, it must be just me – there’s something wrong with me; I’m not good enough“.
So it became clear tonight that I don’t want to present the façade that everything’s hunky dory and I have it all sussed. I want what I write to be honest, to share my truth, good or bad.
I’m not looking for pity, sympathy, admiration or glory.
I’m sharing because I know we all have times when we feel like this, and that’s ok.
It’s not wrong or something to be afraid of (even though it’s unpleasant) and there are things we can do, ways we can be, people we can talk to, to help us move on to a better, stronger, more resourceful and joyful state.