Phew, it’s been a tough couple of weeks! I’ve had a lot going on, both internally and externally.
The external stuff has just been the logistical complexities and busy-ness of having a growing, active family and running my own business. Nothing bad, much of it lovely; just lots of tasks, decisions and juggling to fit it all in in the available time.
No, it’s the internal stuff that’s made everything seem like such hard work and not very pleasant (as I described in my last blog post The Voices in My Head).
There’s a certain irony that it’s because I’ve been doing both the Science of Happiness Course, and a Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction course that I’ve been in this stressed and unhappy place!!
However, what both programmes are helping me with is in accepting that it’s ok that I’m finding it tough right now. It’s neither ‘good’ nor ‘bad’.
I’m not a failure as a person, or as a coach because I don’t feel upbeat, positive and resourceful all the time. I’ve uncovered, and I’m dealing with some deep-seated attitudes and beliefs in myself I’ve never seen so clearly before.
It feels a little bit like I merrily started on a long hike. I’d packed my rucksack with everything I thought was necessary for the journey and set out whilst the sun was shining, feeling optimistic, energetic and strong.
But now it’s started to rain, the terrain’s got a bit tougher, my boots are rubbing and my pack seems way too heavy!
So I’ve done the sensible thing. I’ve not pushed on, feeling sorry for myself or trying to fool myself that everything it’s ok.
Instead I’ve looked for some shelter and stopped to take stock. I’ve taken everything out of my pack to see what’s weighing me down and realised just how much I don’t really need; things that seemed like a good idea when conditions were easy, but are just in the way when tested.
And some things in my pack I do need, but there’s no point just having them in my pack – I have to actually use them too (the equivalent of blister plasters perhaps!).
So here I am now, temporarily out of the wind and rain, sorting out my backpack, noticing and taking action to protect the areas that are rubbing, reassessing what I need for what lies ahead, getting ready to shoulder my pack once more and carry on with the journey with a renewed sense of purpose.
And I know how much sweeter and joyful it will feel when the sun comes out again, knowing I came through the rain.