What To Do With Your Anger When Nothing Goes Your Way

by | 17 Oct 2016 | Coaching

Have you ever hit one of those patches when nothing seems straightforward or to go right, no matter how hard you try?

I’ve had a few days that feels like it’s been one effin’ thing after another – in my anger it feels like it’s all been caused by other people’s lack of care, attention or competence, but leaving me with the consequences; inconvenienced and clearing up the sh1t. Pardon my language – you know I don’t swear a lot – sometimes only an expletive will do!

The actual instances don’t matter here; none are very important in the scheme of things, they are not serious or insurmountable, just time consuming and energy draining.

It’s fair to say I’ve been sucked right into the vortex, and like all the times I’m sucked into the vortex, it’s because I’m caught fighting the gap between my fantasy of how I think things ‘should’ be, and the reality in the moment.

My anger and frustration with the gap achieve nothing other than depleting my energy reserves and making me very unpleasant to be around.

So what to do about it?

These are the steps I’m taking right now, as I write this blog post:

  1. Realise how caught in the vortex I am, and that I’m clinging desperately to a fantasy.
  2. Stop, breathe, and remind myself that I can’t control what happens to me, or other people; but I can choose how I wish to respond.
  3. Ahh, that’s better – I already feel the relief that comes with acceptance. It is what it is.
  4. Check back in with myself why I want to do the thing I’m being thwarted in and if it is worth further investment of my time, energy and attention.
  5. In this case, it absolutely is. Two of the things I learned from my mother is that there is always a way, and if it matters enough, even when you feel you’ve given it everything and think you’re utterly spent, you can always dig a little deeper.
  6. Transform the power and energy of my anger into strength and determination instead, framed with self-compassion.
  7. Pause and breathe again – I don’t want to be like a bluebottle banging into the closed window over and over, oblivious to the opening only inches away. How else can I approach the problem, what other resources do I need and who can help?
  8. OK, equilibrium restored and rearmed with a gentle tenacity, I’m off to put my world to rights, so please excuse me if I leave this blog post here 🙂


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