I have this fantasy. The fantasy is of the ‘ideal’ me. I see her in my mind so clearly:
This is the Rachel who wakes early each morning with a smile and a stretch, drinks lemon water, then effortlessly performs 20 minute of Yoga.
This Rachel meditates; she takes brisk walks whatever the weather (and in the extreme fantasy version, she even runs).
Fantasy Rachel never fritters away her precious time on mindless games on her ipad – instead she reads, plays piano or writes.
Her house and garden are well kept and beautiful, environments that nourish her soul – created by her own fair hand!
Her stomach is firm, she’s lithe and fit, ageing gracefully. She’s wise and serene, shaking off life’s irritations an set-backs.
She eats only good nutritious food, and can enjoy a single glass of wine.
She’s a kind and thoughtful friend, and writes letters to those she loves far away (never ever missing a birthday or special day).
The perfect parent, Fantasy Rachel knows just what to say to support and strengthen her growing daughters’ self-esteem and ability to navigate the world. Her actions leave them feeling secure and loved, always.
At work, fantasy Rachel is diligent and productive, promptly completing tasks, whilst brilliantly assessing the strategic implications. She’s an inspiring leader and considerate colleague.
Fantasy Rachel’s business is elegant and simple, changing the lives of thousands, helping them to Stand Sure and Grow Strong, by bringing a little Tea & Empathy into their lives. It brings a steady and secure income that will see her and her family through old age.
Fantasy Rachel overcomes her doubts and fears with humour, wisdom and determination. She never avoids, and gently finds a way.
On my darker days, Fantasy Rachel is a source of shame and guilt. I should be her by now. Why do I not measure up? Why do I fail to fulfil what I desire to be? Why do I not have the will power, the skill, the wisdom, the courage, the ENERGY to be her? The gap between reality and fantasy can feel too big and insurmountable and I crumple into self-loathing and despair.
But my soul speaks soothingly, “She is still you never-the-less. Every part of this fantasy in some way and at some time you have fulfilled, just not everything all at the same time! Have you not changed and grown over the years? The fantasy is not a stick to beat you with; the measure is not whether you’ve achieved it all. No, the fantasy serves to help you make the little choices day by day – what would Fantasy Rachel choose to do? The fantasy is a beacon to inspire and guide you, that is all. Above all remember Fantasy Rachel is not where you find happiness, because that is in you now. Fantasy Rachel may have more impact, but she is no more deserving, or complete, or joyful than you in this moment. Seek these things, but hold them lightly, lest you forget all that you have that’s good right now”.
So tell me friend – do you have a fantasy version of yourself, and do you allow them to stand in accusation or encouragement? Leave me a comment, or share this post if it resonates?
