It’s my word for 2020. I decided that back in January even before our world got turned on it’s head.
I realised it was time to stop seeking. It’s time for me to accept that I have ENOUGH.
I have enough books, and course materials. I have enough knowledge and experience. I have enough clothes and gadgets. I have enough friends and connections. I have enough clients. I have enough money. I am loved enough.
My parenting is enough.
My home is enough.
My body is enough…
…I am enough.
Right now, for now, in this moment…I am ENOUGH.
That doesn’t mean that nothing will change. It doesn’t mean I don’t want things to be better…for me to be better. It doesn’t mean my business won’t grow, or I won’t do new things. It doesn’t mean I’m perfect – far from it.
It doesn’t mean I give up.
It does mean I let go.
I let go of shame.
I let go of striving and always pushing on; too focussed on the future to notice the present.
I let go of beating myself up.
I let go of comparisons.
I let go of the continual search for answers outside of myself.
I let go of letting other people’s opinions shape and distort who I am.
And it does mean I start noticing and appreciating all that I have.
More and more I begin:
To treasure and nurture the relationships I have;
To nourish and appreciate the body I have;
To maintain and enjoy my home and garden;
To pay attention and tend to my money, and my assets;
To enjoy, and use all the ‘things’ I possess – exploring my existing wardrobe in new ways, reading and rereading that enormous pile of books, completing the online learning and classes I’ve bought in the past and never fully utilised, using the food in my larder, and fridge and freezer (..ok I confess for this last one I still rely on my hubby – my cooking is definitely on the ‘just about adequate’ end of the spectrum of enough!)
And as I do this I realise I have more than I ever knew. I realise I AM more than I believed.
The paradox is the more I stop trying to change, the faster and easier it is to become the person I’ve always wanted to be.
I discover I didn’t need to try to change all this time – to strive to be somewhere or someone else.
Simply opening all my senses to what is present right now gently eases me into an irresistible flow, a natural growth, that feels nourishing, and simple. It’s like an awakening and unfolding – perhaps an ‘aware-ing up’, as well as a waking up.
So on those days that feel difficult, when a sudden sadness or anxiety appears that I should be doing, or being something other, the soothing reminder to self that I have enough, I am enough is a balm to my soul.
And you. The same is true for you too, you know. You are enough, if you are willing to open your eyes to see it, if you have the courage to look deep within and explore all of who you are – the light AND the dark. Look into the shadows and you will discover you have and are more than you know…