Are You Comparing Your Insides To Other People's Outsides?

by | 29 Nov 2016 | Coaching

I was initially surprised by this, but actually it makes complete sense.

I’m a coach, so I tend to write about how to improve your life and deal with what what gets thrown at us. I write what I know to be true, because I’ve learned it from my own journey and from those of my clients.

But often I have no response to what I write in my blog posts or email out. That’s ok, because I know that people still open my emails and stay as subscribers.

But every now and then I’ll write something that brings a small flurry of moving replies.

So what’s the difference that makes the difference?

It’s not any particular profound wisdom from me, or revealing a deep truth.

The blog posts that seem to connect the most are those that I’ve written from the heart at a point when I’ve been in pain, or filled with doubt, or finding my way through difficulty.

I realise that often I write trying to offer an answer believing that’s what we seek.

But actually more often we seek reassurance and find solace in knowing we are not alone, and when we are moved by compassion and empathy we are more likely to reach out.

Our internal environment is complex and can often feel like a noisy battle ground of doubts, fears, thoughts, imaginings, memories, judgements, conflicting and confusing emotions. Yet we have learned to filter and suppress all this under an apparently calm exterior as we go about our day to day.

The containment is generally necessary for our functioning and for the sake of others. But often we don’t just contain it, but also keep it secret as we feel ashamed of our internal processing, fearing there is something wrong with us, rather than it being a natural part of being a human being.

We see other people’s apparently calm and ‘sorted’ exterior appearance and compare it to our confused internal dialogue and conclude that indeed there must be something wrong with us.

It’s only when someone is prepared to be vulnerable and open-hearted (in an appropriate environment) and share a little of what goes on beneath the surface that we realise with a rush of relief that we are not alone, not mad, not bad, just simply another human being trying to find our way.


Train to Nowhere

Train to Nowhere

Life has felt full and fast these last two weeks, and I’ve missed the spaces in between. Without the spaces, I lose the sense of who I am and what I want; I become reactive, not centred and intentional. It’s not been bad or difficult stuff I’ve been dealing with -...

A Blast from the Past to Help Me Face Fear

A Blast from the Past to Help Me Face Fear

Funny what we forget. I’ve been trawling through my old blog posts and articles recently as I’m in the process of rebranding and refocussing the work I do in Tea & Empathy. The blog’s been going nearly 3 years now, and with only a handful of exceptions (most due...