I wrote about being really angry when things went wrong for me in this blog last week.
Having got over it now, and being able to re-channel my anger into something more productive, on reflection it’s very clear to me now that it was myself I was angry with.
All the things that went wrong I could actually prevented if I had listened to that quiet, wise voice inside of me.
I chose to trust other people more than I trust myself and I was let down.
Now, there was nothing malign or deliberate in what other people did that caused me the upset and inconvenience – there was no ill intent at all. It’s one of my deep core beliefs that people are inherently good and I choose to believe the best in people.
But it was a stark reminder that perhaps I should believe the best in myself too. My gut had said to me “there’s room for error here, just double check“. But my heart and pleaser-self said “no, trust that they know what they are doing and have been careful – don’t doubt or be a difficult customer – don’t cause trouble, you curmudgeonly old gut!”
I realise now it was not judgemental of me to have a doubt in my mind, and it is not causing trouble to assert my needs and check what I’m getting – in fact it would have saved trouble all round.
I can’t recall a single time when things have gone wrong when I listened to my gut, but plenty of times it’s gone pear-shaped because I either chose to ignore or didn’t want to believe it.
“Sorry Gut, it won’t happen again.”
“Yeah, that’ll be right.” Gut’s disbelieving reply!