As you may have gathered from the tone of my last couple of blog posts, I’ve not been at my best these last few weeks – struggling with my energy and motivation.
So much so that last week, for the first time, I didn’t produce content for the blog, choosing instead to prioritise getting my home Christmas preparations done, being there for the numerous kids activities, seeing to immediate client needs and continuing to progress work on sorting out Mum’s estate.
This has meant I’ve carried around that feeling of low level guilt and anxiety that I’ve not been ‘doing’ enough and starting to drop some of the balls I juggle. The guilt is secretly deeper because I know that it’s not even true to say that there’s not been time.
If I look honestly at my days and evenings there have been plenty of minutes, and even hours when I could have ‘done’ more.
But the truth is I simply didn’t have the energy.
What I really need is a good holiday and to step away from work and routine altogether, because I’ve realised that all the way through Mum’s illness, death, funeral I’ve tried to just keep things ticking over in a way that means I haven’t had a good rest.
I’m not beating myself up, because it’s not that I haven’t looked after myself – by lowering my expectations and having more compassion for myself than normal I’ve managed to keep things functioning pretty well, and keep myself generally healthy, and to keep an acceptable level of income coming in to the business.
Now, however, it’s time for a proper break.
I’d planned to keep doing some work over Christmas and New Year, using it as an ideal time to ‘get ahead’. But today I decided that enough’s enough!
I love Christmas with the family and this year I choose to let go of all things work and wholeheartedly be present with them, and also to be present with myself – to allow rest, healing and recuperation until 2015.
Nothing disastrous will happen if I do that and it feels a huge relief to just let go for a while.
So this site will be quiet until then; in the meantime I wish a happy, happy Christmas to you and those you love, and I’m looking forward to the freshness and new possibility that 2015 brings.